July 10, 2025: The Two Tokens

There’s something powerful about this idea.

This week, I came across the “Two Token Theory.”

Here’s how it works. Picture two people locked in a disagreement, and between them sit two tokens on a table:

• “This is the End of the World”

• “This is No Big Deal”

If you’re the one who messed up, grab the “End of the World” token first. Beat them to the frustration and own the problem.

Suddenly, the other person holds only the “No Big Deal” token. You’ve hogged the drama, leaving them with nowhere to go but grace.

It’s a counterintuitive way to lower tension because an over-the-top apology sucks the oxygen from anger. Outrage disarms outrage.

But this approach only works if you mean it. Donald Miller calls empathy “shared pain.” A true gift is choosing to walk into someone’s pain instead of around it.

And to most people, being understood matters more than being right.