August 2, 2025: The Milk Masters

If cereals had a Mount Rushmore, these faces would be carved into the stone.

Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble
Lucky the Leprechaun
Tony the Tiger
Toucan Sam

Fruity Pebbles, Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops.

They may not win awards from the American Heart Association, but nothing compares to that final slurp of sugary milk at the bottom of the bowl. A sweet reward for dangerous living.

Which brings me to Froot Loops.

Some truths are shocking to learn. Such as Santa Claus. The birds and bees. How your parents are cooler than you think.

And then I recently discovered something about the Froot Loops “fruits” — you know, the red, green, blue, orange, and purple rainbow rings?

They’re the same flavor, completely identical.

There’s no citrus. No cherry. No grape. Despite what your eyes want to believe, it’s just one mysterious taste pretending to be five.

What?!

The greatest breakfast illusion of our time.

Oh well, the last slurp still tastes good to me.